Putting Myself Out There… Here

by Lt. Col. Vicky Blancaflor

I was once a writer in our school publication — a literary editor and a columnist.  I thought then that my style had wit, humor, irony and criticism of what I felt was the oppressive status quo of my existence. I loved the feeling when people tell me they like what I wrote.  But some did not — they said I was being too ‘progressive’ or ‘critical’ since we were in a military establishment where such sentiments made public were frowned upon.

Then it became blogs where I had one in Multiply.com. It was under a pseudonym where I made fun of the routine and moments I observed in my place of work satirizing intrigue, gossip, and other unsavory things I cared not to remember.  But I came to a point where I realized this – if I put myself out there, what am I really saying? To what end? Is it only for myself, to tell the world how witty or smart or funny I am?

I had since then been ambivalent of putting myself out ‘there’ through my writings. It was like a double edge sword – you could be admired.  And you could also be hated. With that insight, I became more careful of what I post even in my social media accounts as I mostly curated it in the way I want people to perceive me.

Fast forward to the present.

Last week, my friend Sr. Joy messaged me if I could write for this blog – Faithcrumbs. What an interesting and somewhat serendipitous suggestion!

I thought this might be connected to the online retreat I joined last month.  It culminated during the Holy Week and ended in His glorious resurrection.  But after that, what then, thought to myself.

In my silent moments, He said, let us do this everyday – you and I. Let us talk about your mission, your work, the people you love and engage everyday — how they all connect with Me.

Right now, I am writing again and it feels weirdly wonderful to be back. In my heart though, I still feel fearful of the outcome. But the Spirit gently prods me to find these words now.

The focus will not be on me but on Him – how those times in the past He led me to be this person now.   

Yes Lord, I heed Your call.  To share Your love and light to the world is a privilege. I am humbled and I will serve.

And so, again, I put myself out there – here.

For the love of Christ compels us.” (2Cor. 5:14)

Lt. Col. Vicky Blancaflor is one for the first female graduate of Philippine Military Academy of PMA Kalasag Lahi class of 1997. She is now assigned in the Armor DIvision based in Tarlac. She is a mother of two teenage Boys.

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